Thursday, July 10, 2008

goodbye little friend

it was beautiful and sweet and tiny. it was really and truly my best friend. and then it was masticated viciously by an uncaring reptile

the voracious beast was rousted appropriately, as seen in this film made by the humans.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

execution day

oh!! mister broccoli! it is a great and marvelous treasure to see you again!

and you brought the pod twins!!! it is amazing how wonderful it is to see you all. i missed you so while the humans held you prisoner in the chilly darkness.

i tremble in terror before your great and wondrous sight. i grant you my fealty, lumpy cow milk!

what is this remarkably golden treasure i have discovered? it looks crisp and flavorful.

OH!!! murder! shock and terror and dismay!


a terrifying golden scrumptious grave of horror! they all lay limp and scalded in their hateful grave!

EGG HAS BEEN SCRAMBLED! death, why dost thou look so tempting and delicious?

devoured and masticated. my friends chewed and abused. i am sorry to have to see a day like this.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

what do humans eat?

starship love crashed into the surface of the planet quickly and efficiently. the miniature green child was claimed as a victim. delicious verdant infant, unit r173ex4 requests your friendship. a first friend is always the most special! yet you taste like a sour bug. a pox on your house, friend. when your family ripens and turns crimson i will devour them.

what terrifying world is this? are these giant insects? are they my friends?

do they feel love?

unit r173ex4 dubs these strange beings 'beets'. the red ones are turnips, and they are acquaintances only. yet these strange beets... do something wonderful to unit r173ex4. they make red waste. a new best friend!!!!!

shock and wonder! a spectacular meadow covered in fermented goat milk, burned fruit, and the innards of rock-solid "wall nuts". a wonderful, magnificent friend.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

a note from the humans

One day last December, a terrifying miniature robot came into our lives. We don't know where he came from or what exactly he wants or why he stares blankly at us when we speak to him. Until recently, he has lived contentedly on the kitchen bar. We thought he was kind of cute, because he is small and when he walks he waves his arms wildly. We've only recently discovered that he may have motives beyond observing us in daily life. He appears to be extremely interested in learning about food and where it comes from.

I suppose that is why he chose to inhabit the kitchen, out of all the rooms there are. We really only noticed his interest in food when we started going to farmers markets and trying to eat local and organic food. Using razor-sharp hooks, he attaches himself to our shoes and follows us. This little robot, whom we fondly call Little Guy, now accompanies us to all of the places that we acquire food, and he is apparently intensely interested in how we use it.

There is a lot of activity going on with us and the food and the robot, so we thought a blog would be rather appropriate. The robot will do most of the writing; we will only assist in transporting him to markets, photographing him, and bringing him to the keyboard -- it's really quite a sight to see him type out his reports.

We don't know what Little Guy is going to really report here, or what his goals are, but maybe his mission (judging from the mysterious word GALAXY on his upper torso, he appears to be from another planet and is gathering information) will be revealed in time.

(ABOVE: human captives flinch in terror as the miniature robot maliciously commands their undying fealty)